February 2009
10 posts
Maine says, "Thanks a latte!"
I moved to NYC with the distinct impression that any and everything I could ever desire would be within a three foot radius at all times. A 24-hour sushi place? We have them in spades. Harry Potter’s peen? Up until Feb. 8, one had FIVE opportunities a week to see that. It’s really hard (hehe) to think about living anywhere else when you consider all that, right?
Think again. A topless...
Let it be known that someone on CNN said "yicky" →
Since when is “yicky” a part of journalistic vernacular? See below:
Whether it’s new and cool or merely yicky, observers say there’s no question that more and more doctors — and patients — will be sharing the blow-by-blow of medical procedures on sites like Twitter and Facebook.
On fn CNN. WEIRD.
Can a Jew wear cross earrings? →
Or is that a conflict of interest? I feel like some people might misinterpret my obvious desire to wear something both hoopy AND droppy as nothing more than an appreciation of blatant costume jewelry. I could really see this going south, and fast. And, by “south,” I mean I can imagine running into a member of our temple community randomly in Manhattan, and next thing you know I get a...
“Today, this guy took me to Denny’s on a first date and used a 2 for 1...”
– via http://www.fmylife.com/
Blech.
Last night I had a fn FEAST for dinner at Spice Cove (review to come later on my new blog), so today I was all “OK, you had your fun. Now nothing but water and laxatives until prom.” That’s reasonable, right? I think so. I want to lose three pounds. If that Amber bitch shows up in the same dress as I do (again) AND looks skinnier than me? I’ll go batshit crazy. I am just...
New Google feature a little creepy →
Yesterday, Google announced “Google Latitude,” a new feature that allows your friends to track you down like the wild animal you are. Rawr.
I don’t mean to be selfish with my whereabouts, but isn’t this a little invasive? Do your friends really need proof that you ditched them in favor of leftovers and “The Biggest Loser?” Should they really be able to pinpoint...
The economy's to blame. AGAIN.
I’m probably the exact opposite of a closeted spelling/grammar snob. Meaning I’m out and proud. Bring on the assless chaps; I’m down.
Unrelated aside: My sister was a women’s studies minor in college, and she made me walk up to this information booth with her during pride week. The girls running the booth pegged us as breeders (correct) and handed her a pamphlet that said...
My second born →
After several hours of painful labor, I had another baby blog. There’s, like, absolutely no content on it at this point, but it has a clever title! None of that “Baby Deenaneed” stuff for me, thank you. It’s a clean slate of which to express my undying adoration of gymming and foodstuffs. Stay tuned, though. My baby’s gonna be a STAR.
Damn you, Phil →
January 2009
13 posts
Domino being sent to a big farm upstate :( →
NOW I believe in love at first sight... →
Tea time
I don’t know what it is about tea bags, but lately I find them SO poignant. It’s like, you’re mindlessly basking in the deliciousness, and then there’s all this WISDOM to be gained. It’s unexpected and delightful, which is, like, WORLDS better than predictable and boring. It really is.
My friend and I were discussing how she wishes attraction and personality...
“We’re willing to extend a hand if you’re willing to unclench your...”
– Obama to dissenters, 1/20/09
Beer money →
A California man sold his 14-year-old daughter into marriage because some 18-year-old guy promised him lots of beer, gatorade, soft drinks, 50 cases of Negra Modelo, six bottles of wine, and several cases of meat.
Okaaayyy.
First of all, Jesus. This guy is clearly an alcoholic. But a practical one, I guess. He thought ahead to ask for meat, bc he’ll be needing some late night eats after...
Update!
I recently reported on some hideous Neo-Nazis who were trying to ruin my perception of a Fascist free Northeast. And, though I stand by my original claim that their intolerance would hold more water if they were sexy (or at least if their faces didn’t burn my retinas), their highest regard for the man who wiped out the majority of my gene pool is still, well, troubling.
BUT, it looks like...
Florida says, "Suck it, Juno"
Ok so I don’t mean to gloat, but the CDC just released a list of states with the highest teen pregnancy rates, annnnnd Florida didn’t even make the top 10. On behalf of my home state, I can say this is ONE competition we’re fine ceding to Mississippi. They can have the glory. A few years back, we most definitely made the list. Hell, I think we were leading, due in part to my...
The best remake of "Single Ladies" →
What a dollface. You can tell this little girl thinks she’s the SHIT. She reminds me of myself when I was little, except replace “Beyonce” with “Bette Midler from Beaches.” There’s a home video of me in a flying car-printed leotard and a faux gold seashell necklace, belting out “Under the Boardwalk” with verve. It’s a good thing that was well before Youtube, because damnit, I never thought to add...
December 2008
14 posts
“And what he greatly thought, he nobly dared”
– Homer, via Celestial Seasonings Cinnamon Apple Spice tea. Who says you can’t find inspiration in a delicious tea bag?
I'd be offended if they weren't so unfortunate... →
Two jackasses named their son Adolf Hitler Campbell. Lord. And they live in JERSEY. I thought the Tri-State area was devoid of Neo-Nazis! That’s why I moved here! I feel deceived.
It was the pint-sized fascist’s third birthday recently, and a local ShopRite refused to print “Happy Birthday Adolf Hitler” on the cake. Impressive, ShopRite. If I wasn’t such a Trader...
Saving face →
Fear and moonwalking?
Ohh this is fascinating. Hunter S. Thompson’s wifey says her late husband left behind a little Gonzo jizz should she want to give him a posthumous heir. They were 35 years apart, so it’s not one of those creepy, “75 year old gives birth to twins” stories. Is it wrong that I’m, like, weirdly invested in the idea of her getting knocked up for the sake of lit? I know she...
My side "job" →
Behold, my new obsession. Yet another forum to let my opinions flyyyyy. What could be better than unpaid restaurant reviewing? Nothing; nothing at all. Except maybe teleporting. I would fn LOVE to be able to do that. Ever since Sabrina made it look so easy, I’ve been dreaming about someday waking up with the ability to, like, think really hard and transport myself out of NYC’s rainy...
Better late than never? →
Poolside Santa?
Ok so I understand “fashionably late,” but six months?? That’s, like, second trimester late. There’s new evidence that the “Christmas star” (not to be confused with one “Jesus Christ Superstar”) appeared 2,000 years ago, meaning Jesus was born June 17, NOT Dec 25. How could this happen? Did Mary fudge his birthday? If so, where’s the logic in...
Riiiight
I’ve been whipping my Nikon out for months now without a problem. I used to be all shy with it, only bringing it out to play when I was totally comfortable with the present company. Bar pics start to feel so VANILLA after a while, so one day I took caution and like hurled it against the wind. I used to be so people-centric, but I actually fooled around with the inanimate. I KNOW. I mean, it...
Senator Franny! →
Read at your own risk
I had the most terrifying dream last night. It goes as such:
I’m sitting in a crowded movie theater surrounded by friends, and this man-child is sitting behind me. He was wearing this diaper-esque situation on bottom and, like, a vest. With nothing under. And the man was NO Steven Tyler; let’s just leave it at that. I don’t remember what movie it was, but I know it was something...
Venezia :**(
If Sadness and Romance got together, their love child would be Venice. It’s such a moody, melancholy city, and I don’t think everyone is meant to “get” it. I’ve only been once in ‘05, and I remember first feeling in awe of the unconventional set-up of canals running through the city, and then immediately feeling inconvenienced by, like, all that WATER. And St....
November 2008
18 posts
Wiz kids →
For the past three years, two Cali men have been selling a prosthetic peen online. The “Whizzinator” actually heats and dispenses synthetic urine so illegal substance indulgers can drive forklifts by day and, like, shoot up horse tranquilizers allllllll night. How shady is that?
You have to wonder about the kind of guys who would develop this technology. Smart ones, I assume. You...
Let it Bee known
On this Tuesday, Nov. 25, 2008, at 12 p.m., I had the following convo:
Megan: I hate you with a firey passion
Me: fiery
Me: hahaha
Megan: thanks spelling police
Me: haha well i DID win the spelling bee in 2nd grade
It’s no secret that I am fucking THRILLED every time I get to correct someone’s grammar and/or spelling. I wait for it. I prowl. I see one misused “your”...
Must restrain impulse to make a snarky comment... →
I can finally rest easy →
Hellooo dream job
There’s a 12 year old girl inside me who is plotzing right now. I just saw this posting that Tiger Beat and Bop are hiring interns. Woooot. If I were a.) a college student receiving credit, b.) living in Glendale, CA, and c.) currently obsessed with Zack Morris, pogs and all things JTT (wait…CHECK, that part is true), I would KILL for this opportunity. I would take Polaroids of my...
While I'm at it...
I like this list of rappers singing badly, if only for the fact that it reminds me there are accomplished musicians who are worse than Jessica Simpson at ballads. Not many, but some. And they’re all good rappers, so maybe Jess should try her hand at that? Oh man, that would be AMAZING.
Anyways, the list reminded me of this singer from Gainesville who played our Gator Growl homecoming game a...
Say it ain't so
When I first saw the teaser for this article, I thought it was a faux-homage (fauxmage? I want to start an urban dictionary, so I can finally coin “mank” instead of using the cumbersome “man tank.” It would be SUCH a timesaver) to the best damn chimp impersonator this side of the Mason-Dixon line. A small part of me (I won’t say which) thought it might be an article...
Leaving on a jet plane
Umm not trying to brag or anything, but I just got a free flight home for the holidays. Well, free as in I’ve been courting Jetblue for like two years and FINALLY earned one free flight. And then I toyed with the idea of actually going somewhere on vacay before remembering that, oh yeah, I charged a pair of damn GYM SOCKS the other day. No dice, Los Cabos, Mexico :( :( :(
I’m pretty...
Hedge Funds Ban Fist-Pumping
I read “The Onion” so often that I think my mind is starting to meld together reality and farce. I just read this article approx 700 times trying to decide which of the two it was. Then, I checked the source (“New York mag”, NOT “The Onion”), read the comments (none are ironic in the least), and sent it to a friend who works at a hedge fund with strict...
